Help! What does that simple word mean to you?
My American Heritage Dictionary tells me that “help” means:
- to get assistance
- to contribute to the furtherance of’
- promote; to change for the better
- improve; to refrain from
- avoid or resist (used in a negative way…can’t help)
I have struggled with this simple word most of my life. So I’m curious—what does “help” mean to you? Deep down inside of you where you hide all of your fears, insecurities? Is there a hidden meaning down there for that word for you?
I understand when you ask someone to “help” move a heavy box that you need assistance with. Or how about when you pay someone to help you with the yard work? That is helping you out.
What about asking someone to “promote” you? Or how about asking someone to “contribute to the furtherance of” some personal project? These types of “help” have a slightly, and sometimes a big, scary feel to them. You are asking someone to invest in improving your personal development in some way. Why do we resist and sometimes bury that feeling of “we are worthy of someone’s investment in us?”
The reason why I bring this up besides the fact I’ve struggled with this most of my life, is I want to have a 59th birthday party to celebrate the kick-off of my 60 by 60. I also want and know I’m going to need ” help” so that I can achieve some of my 60 things by the time I turn 60.
Now, yes, I can host my own birthday party but I don’t really want to be the “hostess” at my own party (there is probably a whole other post for that one). So after much intrepidation, I picked up the phone and asked for “help”.
The very nice Karen Rosenzweig, One Smart Cookie Marketing, without hesitation agreed to act the “hostess” for my party at her house. Her simple “yes” meant a lot to me, more than I could ever express to her.
But still even after that, why is it so hard to ask for “help” for those very personal needs? The ones we still need help, assistance, and that self-promotion for. What stops us from asking for that help?
Do the words unworthy, is it really that important, what if I fail come to mind? I know for me they do. But you are worthy, it is important to you, and so what if you fail. The truth be known, you are more likely to feel unworthy, unimportant and fail if you don’t ask for that help. And on top of that, how can someone help you, if they don’t know what you need?
In a weird, roundabout way, by not asking you are essentially allowing the other person to assume that all is well. You, somehow, have decided that you are superwoman or man.
But if you learn to ask for that “help”, you might just run into this surprise phenomenon. People genuinely want to help you get to where you want to go.
That is what I’ve learnt these past couple of weeks as I have talked about some of the items on my 60 by 60 list.
Debbie Whitlock, Donna Canterna, Sylvia Taylor, Peggy (the Spirited Woman), and Warren Talbot (if he is still here when we do this) all want skydive with me. David Zarza and Betsy Talbot (if she is still here) want to be our cheering squad when we land. Debbie Whitlock wants to go on the silent retreat with me. Joyce Leslie, Donna Canterna, Debbie Whitlock, and David Zarza all want to run the Rock and Roll 1/2 Marathon with me next year.
And those are just three things on my list of 60!
Asking for help—it is a very surprising phenomenon. I’m totally humbled by all the people who are offerning to help, support, and cheer me on as I begin my journey of 60 by 60.
So what is stopping you from asking for help? Take a moment or two or even a day or two to think about that. Dig deep down. Give it a chance to percolate up. You may be surprised with what you discover about yourself. Regardless of what you hear, I promise you, it is not as scary as you think.
Now take a deep breath and ask for help from someone you feel won’t say no. Start with little steps, not big giant ones. By learning to exercise that “help” muscle, you will be pleasantly surprised with how quickly you realize those dreams/goals/things you want to achieve.